My Elusive Butler and His Duties Around the Household.

My butler is the traditional sort. Stoic, elegant, quiet, only speaks when absolutely necessary, obeys his master (for the most part), dutiful, and he gets the job done.

 There's a problem though. He's young and so therefore quite prone to mistakes.

These mistakes don't stop him from keeping his beige suit, white boots, and white gloves clean however.

Also. My butler is a cat. A fat, lazy cat. His name is Sebastian. He is a ragdoll.

When I first brought him into my home, he was a sweet, loving kitten, and I loved him. I still love him but now he's a little bastard half the time.

I ask for simple things like snuggles when I'm feeling sad, or when I am trying to sleep at night. Small things like, "Only scratch on the scratching posts." Easy tasks such as trotting over to me when I call for him. Menial labor that involves not spilling the food all over the place when he eats.

He complies with some of these requests but mainly when he damn well feels like it, and I can't expect consistency from him.

And sure, he's a cat, I should only expect cat behaviour from him but he was different! He was loyal, faithful, and ever-so reliable! Until THE OTHERS came into this house. Those-those-those RUFFIANS. One a mustachioed thug and the other a Jesus-loving zealot!

Now, let me explain. My dearest, loving mother took in a friend of ours because this friend is very sickly and was being abused. With her, she brought her two cats and her entire room, minus her bed frame. Guess where all these things went? Into my room. And guess how small my room is? Small enough that we share a bed because there isn't enough room for two beds. Not only was our house invaded, but our personal space was invaded.This moving-in process occurred merely a week after getting my sweet, little Sebastian and because of this, he and I had not really bonded as well as I would've liked.

THEN, my impressionable little kitten was beat up on and told all sorts of lies by those two cats (the thug and the zealot) and now he won't snuggle with me when I want to snuggle, he won't do the things I ask of him, and he likes to beat up on his sisters. Those bastards ruined him.

As his mother, though, I've had a small glimmer of hope that one day, Sebastian would be himself again. After the necessary procedure of removing his manhood, it seems he is regressing to his old ways. WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTFUL. He's becoming an enormous ball of fat and fluff and as he gets bigger and bigger, he's getting lazier. And do you realize what that means? It means...

I CAN SNUGGLE HIM AGAINST HIS WILL.